Introduction
My name is Xander Warner, and I come with a rich experience of practicing family law for six years. Having conducted over 7,000 consultations that span divorce, custody, restraining orders, and more than 150 prenuptial agreements, I have garnered a comprehensive understanding of matrimonial law.
Before we delve into the reasons for a prenuptial agreement, it’s important to note that this is not legal advice but rather my informed opinion based on extensive experience.
The Legal Landscape of Marriage and Divorce
In the majority of states, the concept of community property or its equivalents governs marital law. This means that upon divorce, assets and debts acquired during the marriage are generally divided equally between spouses. Furthermore, spousal maintenance (AKA alimony) comes into play, which can be a significant financial consideration.
Prenuptial agreements mainly address these two financial arenas: the division of assets and debts and spousal maintenance/alimony.
The Typical Prenuptial Agreement
A standard prenuptial agreement, from my practice, ensures that what each person brings into the marriage remains their separate property. It usually outlines that any assets acquired during the marriage are to be considered separate, bank accounts will be kept separate, debts will remain individual responsibilities, and no spousal maintenance will be paid post-divorce.
Essentially, this type of agreement separates finances within the marriage, which I strongly support. Based on my personal experience with over 700 divorce cases, finances are frequently a contributing factor to marital breakdown.
Financial Protection for Men in Marriage
For men who have considerable assets prior to marriage, a high income, or own a business, a prenuptial agreement is crucial. It is particularly important if you are marrying someone with a lower income. In many states, if a business is started or increases in value during the marriage, that business will have to be divided in the event of a divorce.
This can be a costly and complicated process, as dividing a business is more intricate than dividing liquid assets. For men stepping into matrimony, a prenup is a protective measure for your assets and business interests.
Reason #1: You Already Have a Prenup
An eye-opening reason to consider a prenuptial agreement is that by default, you already have one—the family laws of your state. These laws determine how assets and debts are split and how alimony is awarded in the event of a divorce. Neither you nor your fiancée had a say in these laws, and you may not find them agreeable or fair.
It is far more prudent to make these financial decisions while in a positive mindset toward each other, rather than during the emotionally charged and adversarial process of a divorce. Crafting your own prenuptial agreement allows you to take control of these decisions rather than leaving them up to the state’s default laws.
Reason #2: Our Society Encourages Women to Divorce Their Husbands
Media Portrayal and the ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Phenomenon
Our society’s narratives, as depicted in media and entertainment, play a powerful role in shaping perspectives on marital commitments. A prevalent example is the ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ narrative, where the storyline revolves around a woman who, feeling unfulfilled in her marriage, embarks on a journey of self-discovery at the expense of her family unit. This portrayal, which has been echoed in countless forms of entertainment, sets a societal expectation that supports women leaving their marriages, particularly in the age bracket of 35 to 45.
The Legal System’s Financial Incentives
Our family legal system creates financial incentives for women to leave their marriages. The less a woman has been financially active during the marriage, the more she is rewarded in terms of alimony and asset division when abandoning her husband. The lack of oversight on judicial power further complicates this, as judges often allocate more than an equal share of assets to the woman, fostering inequality within the system.
In cases where the gender roles are reversed, with men being the homemakers, it is more challenging for them to secure alimony. This is an inherent gender bias in the legal application of laws designed to be gender-neutral. Additionally, women receive favorable outcomes regarding the division of assets, further highlighting the gender-based discrepancies within the legal framework.
When it comes to custody and parenting time, the scales are tipped significantly towards women. It is common for mothers to receive more parenting time than fathers, which translates into higher child support obligations for fathers. This imbalance not only affects the financial aspects of post-divorce life but also the emotional and developmental aspects of the children involved.
Peer Influence and Social Reward Systems
Peer influence among women often pushes towards the dissolution of marriages. Societal endorsements for leaving a marriage are strong, where a woman is often cheered on for asserting her independence. Conversely, men face severe social stigma and are labeled negatively if they choose to leave a marriage. This double standard is not only present in personal interactions but also prevalent in the broader social commentary.
Age-Related Marital Exits and the Quest for a ‘Better’ Partnership
Interestingly, the majority of divorces in my practice occurred after 15 to 20 years of marriage, coinciding with the woman reaching the age of 35 to 45. It’s during this time that societal and self-imposed pressures mount, driving women to leave their marriage to secure a more advantageous situation before losing their sexual marketability. Online dating platforms reflect this shift as women in this age group seek to re-experience their youth that was “lost” by starting a family too early in life.
Reason #3: Women Leave Marriages 80% of the Time or More
In my practice, women chose to abandon the marriage and family 80% of the time or more. My professional experience aligns with national statistics, showing that women are the driving force behind the end of most marriages. This is not just an observation but a statistic that holds weight across the country.
The Victim Narrative
When questioned about abandoning the marriage, women usually claim that they had to ‘escape’ their ‘narcissistic’ and ‘abusive’ husbands. These labels are frequently used by women to justify leaving the marriage, presenting themselves as the victims. Women are adept at fabricating narratives of their own suffering and innocence.
In reality, women are intentionally violating their marriage vows and abandoning their lifelong commitments. This causes untold destruction to the husband and children involved. However, instead of taking responsibility for their personal decisions, women always play the victim.
Biases in Marital Vows
Marriage vows are a man’s attempt to secure guaranteed love and loyalty from a woman. Men are more biologically inclined to remain in long-term relationships compared to women. Mutual unconditional love is nothing more than fantasy, and this raises serious questions about the prudence of risking assets on marriage.
Reason #4: You May Think You Know Your Wife, but You Don’t
People Change Over Time
Acknowledging that individuals evolve, the woman you marry is not guaranteed to remain the same as years go by. Changes in finances or social status can significantly impact the relationship dynamics, often not in the man’s favor if his value or ability to provide is perceived to diminish.
The Role of Social and Financial Status
A change in social or financial status can drastically alter a marriage. The perception of value plays a critical role, and if a woman no longer views her partner as a provider or of higher value, the stability of the marriage is threatened. Understanding this potential shift is crucial when considering the risks involved without a prenuptial agreement.
Post-Divorce Realities and Accusations
In my divorce practice, a pattern emerged: women often label their exes as ‘narcissistic abusers’, while men describe their exes with terms like ‘bipolar’ or having ‘borderline personality disorder.’ In the aftermath of a marriage, it is common for women to portray themselves as entirely innocent victims, with society frequently supporting this view.
The Biological Hardwiring
It is biologically ingrained for a woman to view herself as the victim in the dissolution of a marriage, creating a narrative where she is innocent and the man is at fault. This perspective is often readily accepted by the community, influencing the man’s social standing post-divorce.
The concept referred to as “war brides” illustrates a woman’s ability to emotionally disconnect from her spouse, regardless of the length of the marriage. This phenomenon, which I observed through repeated professional encounters, reveals a stark perspective on the nature of relationships and the surprising realities of female behavior within them.
Reason #5: You Must Test Your Future Wife’s True Intentions
Your wife is going to test you constantly throughout your marriage, so it’s only fair that you test her back. By proposing a prenuptial agreement, a man can discern whether love or material benefits are driving the decision to marry. This may seem cynical, but it’s a practical measure to protect oneself from potential financial and emotional ruin.
The Harsh Truth About Love and Pragmatism
Women, often perceived as romantics, are actually pragmatic when it comes to marriage, while men are the true romantics. When the discussion of a prenuptial agreement surfaces, it lays bare the true nature of each party. If she loves you as claimed, agreeing to a prenuptial agreement should not be an issue.
Conclusion
When considering a prenuptial agreement, be mindful of the legal landscape. Ensure that your partner has independent legal counsel and that the agreement is discussed and signed well before the wedding. This is not about mistrust; it is about taking sensible precautions in an uncertain world.
In the end, a prenuptial agreement serves as a safeguard, much like a seatbelt in a car. It’s a protection against the worst-case scenario, not a prediction or expectation of disaster. And while no one enters marriage planning for it to fail, statistics and human nature unflinchingly suggest that hope is not a strategy.
Men must confront these realities and protect themselves accordingly. Being prepared with a prenuptial agreement isn’t just smart; in today’s climate, it’s absolutely essential.